Happy Birthday, Joe Keithley

The D.O.A frontman and Vancouver icon known professionally as “Joey Shithead” turns 59 today, but there are other reasons to love June 3rd and embrace Gemini’s twins, according to fellow birthday-partyer Katherine Monk

It’s the day the First Opium War began, the Duke of Windsor married Wallis Simpson, and Valerie Solanas shot Andy Warhol: The third of June may be just another day on the calendar to those born on the other 364 days of the year, but to you and I, Joe Keithley, June 3 is a day of cake and presents, big hopes and probably, heartbreak… because who ever gets the present they want most?

So even though I don’t know you that well, it feels like I do. I have been reading your horoscope for years… and according to the astrologers, we’re some of the wittiest and smartest people in the zodiac thanks to our airy Gemini nature and ability to see both sides of any story. And though astronomers think astrology is meaningless because the planets are always shifting, it’s impossible to dismiss the lure of the celestial looking glass – especially since we’re supposed to have a good year.

According to the star-gazing gurus on Google, we’re looking at a year of great transition. We’re changing jobs and career focus, and putting our entrepreneurial talents to use. We’re in “higher demand” than usual, but by the second half of the year, we have to let go of things that are no longer useful. (Personally, I still think the Underwood manual typewriters sitting in my garage would make lovely light fixtures).

It’s time for us to sort out our lives and fix the long-standing flaws that have plagued us since our first encounter with conscious self-loathing – which, the astrologers claim, is one of our big weaknesses. (The first time someone called me “shithead,” I cried.)

We were all angst and nerves as young people, unable to turn off our thought factory, but now that we’re walking the back nine of life’s course, all that rattled energy is supposedly leveling off. We’re more able to assert ourselves “without rubbing people the wrong way” and while results are not immediate, “they will come and bring healthy rewards.” Oh yeah, there was also something about reading the fine print on contracts… or something. But whatever, we can do that later.

So Happy Birthday to you, Joe Keithley, may the rewards be beautiful and the looming life changes affirming. Or, in the words of John Armstrong, who kindly wrote a greeting to go with Bob Krieger’s brilliant cartoon: “Don’t stop punching Joe, I think they’re weakening.”

All the best, with twin barrels of Gemini love,

Katherine

TEN SCANDALOUS THINGS THAT HAPPENED ON JUNE 3:

1. Valerie Solanas shoots Andy Warhol three times in a failed assassination attempt. After she turned herself in, she said she did it because Andy had “too much control” of her life. (1968)
2. Ernest Lawrence Thayer’s “Casey at the Bat” is published in the San Francisco Examiner. (1888)
3. Samuel de Champlain completes third trip to New France after visit to Tadoussac. (1608)
4. The Great Trek to Ottawa begins with 1,000 unemployed workers boarding freight trains in Vancouver to protest the lack of good jobs before Parliament. (1935)
5. Gemini 4 rocket is launched, allowing Ed White to become the first American to walk in space. …Or so they say. (1965)
6. Chinese authorities send tanks into Tiananmen Square. (1989)
7. The Battle of Loon Lake: Considered the last military conflict on Canadian soil, the battle was fought between the North-West Mounted Police and a small group of Cree, lead by Big Bear – an outspoken leader who urged other First Nations to oppose Treaty 6, which gave away land rights and established reserves. (1885)
8. Duke of Windsor marries Wallis Simpson after “discharging his duty as king.” (1937)
9. Nepotianus declares himself the Emperor of Rome, forever earning himself the nickname “Nepotianus, the Usurper.” (350)
10. Wardsend Cemetery Riots in Sheffield, England: 3000 people storm the cemetery after rumours of body snatching circulate. (1862)

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